Empowered

I just got back from a showing of Miss Representation, the documentary I talked about in last year's post, and my mind has been overflowing since about halfway through the film, wondering what exactly I was going to say about it. I've been looking forward to seeing the documentary ever since I heard about it last year -- and it did not disappoint. In fact, I think that every woman should watch it. I have never come away from a film more empowered and more committed to making changes in my life and in the world.

I will warn you: There were quite a few disturbing images in the documentary of the hyper-sexualized women throughout the media, and some of the people interviewed dropped the F-bomb. But this documentary is too important not to miss. It hit on everything that I have been thinking about for months: the dumbing down of men in the media, the rampant sexualization and glamorization of high school girls (Glee, anyone?) and society's celebration of women who are sexy instead of smart. The whole time I was watching it, I thought, I wish I had made this film.

I won't go into all of it, because I really want each of you to watch this documentary, but here are a few of my takeaways:

• I am going to teach my daughters that being smart is more important than being beautiful. I want them to believe they can become president if they want to, that they can make a difference in the world and that they can pursue any career (wholesome, of course) they want to. Not that I'm not going to teach them to be pretty and make the most of their appearance. I wish my mom would have shown me how to pluck my eyebrows and put on makeup, because that's something I didn't learn to do until college roommates took pity on me. One of the things I hate most about the feminism movement is that some women who get really into it chop off their hair and make absolutely no effort to improve their appearance. I don't believe you should spend hours every morning doing your hair and makeup, but walking out the door with no thought about what you look like is just as bad. I want to teach my daughters that they can be beautiful and intelligent. Taking pride in yourself is SO important!
• I am going to stop being so critical of myself. I am never going to have the perfect body (really, does ANYONE have the perfect body? Who decides that anyway?), and let's face it -- it'll only go downhill when I have kids and get older. I should just be grateful that all of the parts work and that it is beautiful in its own unique ways. When I look in the mirror, I'm going to stop thinking about all the things that could be better and focus on the parts that I love. I can certainly do better about getting in shape and keeping my body healthy, but I'm going to focus on those aspects -- not about losing weight or trying to achieve a size or shape I want.
• I am going to stop being critical of other women. One of my friends in high school once pointed out that women don't dress to impress men; they really dress to impress other women. And it is true. Men are much less critical of women's clothes and figures than women are. I don't know why we feel such a pressure to compete with each other! We feel like if we point out that Jane has put on a lot of weight or Kate has gone completely gray that we'll feel better about ourselves -- but really, we just keep feeling more depressed because then we compare our bodies to women who are thinner or more beautiful than we are (or so it seems). Thoughts like this (and things we actually say behind people's backs) are so hurtful! I think I would be much happier if I didn't compare myself to other people and focused instead on making my own body healthy.
• I am going to stop watching movies and TV shows that objectify women. I realize that this one is kind of unrealistic, because scantily clad women are everywhere. But while I was watching Miss Representation, one clip from a movie really stood out in my mind (and then they showed the clip, which made me feel cool). It was the scene from Transformers where Megan Fox is wearing a tiny shirt and Daisy Dukes and leaning over the hood of the Camaro. Ever since I saw that part in the movie, it bothered me. How would you ever be comfortable shooting a scene that blatantly sexual? What kind of message does that send to men (and the thousands of boys and girls who saw that movie with their parents)? I am going to be more aware of what I'm watching and how it affects me.

Sorry for the giant post, but you can see how much thought that documentary generated. I really needed to see it tonight and remind myself that I am a child of God, that I can make a difference and that I'm beautiful the way I am. I'd love to hear your thoughts and if you've seen Miss Representation, let me know what you think!

Miss Representation?

At work lately, the Sundance film festival has been THE topic of conversation, particularly a documentary called Miss Representation, about the portrayal of women in the media and how they are underrepresented in positions of power because of it. You can read more about it here, although I can't recommend the trailer; it's pretty graphic and actually turned me off of the documentary.

All this talk has gotten me thinking about one of my favorite topics, feminism. You may have heard me mention it on here before, but I am absolutely sick of modern feminism. Don't misunderstand me; I agree that men and women should have equal rights in the workplace, and I agree that women were mistreated for hundreds of years and are still mistreated and abused today in many parts of the world.

What I am sick of, however, is feminist literature and movies that are supposedly "empowering" to women that really use every opportunity they can to belittle men. I was disgusted by Barbara's Kingsolver's treatment of the father in The Poisonwood Bible, and even one of my favorite sitcoms ever, Home Improvement, features the stereotypical "dumb husband" who messes everything up each episode (although he was able to redeem himself before the credits rolled).

I'm also sick of women who look down on other women for not being career-oriented. My mom only attended one year of college before getting married and starting a family a few years later, and she is one of the most giving, wonderful women I know. She wasn't meant to be a lawyer or a congresswoman; she was meant to be my mother.

Even when I read the Scroll occasionally, I see editorials and columns that belittle the women who attend BYU-Idaho for only a short time before marrying and having children. One particularly saddening editorial suggested that graduating from BYU-Idaho without getting married was the real accomplishment. That idea has stuck with me ever since I read it, probably since I graduated from BYU-Idaho without a husband and have never really thought of that as an accomplishment.

I guess what this long post is getting at is being happy with yourself and recognizing the positive things you've done in your life. If you never finished college because you were raising a family, you shouldn't let people bring you down! You're not going to retrieve your ACT or GRE score when you're standing at the pearly gates. If you haven't found the man of your dreams yet but all your friends have been married for years and have three kids, don't get down on yourself! You are a woman. You are a daughter of God.

Don't get down on the boys, either. Tell your husband you love him. Compliment a good guy friend unexpectedly. Bringing down the incredible men we have in this world doesn't strengthen women; it only makes it harder for everyone to be treated fairly.

Those are my two cents on feminism. Be happy! Hug your man! Don't be a catty woman of the world! :)

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

OK, no I don't have any breaking news for you — I clearly don't have a husband. But I found a book in my roommate's room with such an interesting title that I had to read it. It's called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands," and I'm only partway through it. But the advice in it is so different from most of the things that people tell women about marriage that I am really enjoying it.

The author (yes, it's the famous Dr. Laura) basically attacks women for nagging their husbands and being selfish, and she attributes these attitudes to the feminist movement that has made women feel like any submission to their husband allows him to be domineering and controlling. Wrong. I see so many women come into the store and complain about their husbands — or, even worse, they make their husbands feel stupid and belittle them by insinuating that they're dumb and can't even do anything right paying for groceries.

I have always told myself that I want my husband to wear the pants in our family, because that's how it should be. A husband and father should be the patriarch and the leader of the household, although that doesn't mean that the wife should be cowering behind him. It's supposed to be a partnership and a relationship where two people have found their best friends and are clinging to them forever.

At what is more frightening to me is that there are a lot of men who just put up with abuse from their wives because they feel like that's just "how it is." There are TV shows that make the husband look foolish and that all they have to do is apologize to their wife for buying the new lawnmower without permission, bring home a dozen roses and admit they were wrong — and the wife reluctantly accepts it but still plans to bring it up when something else bothers her.

Why do the women never compromise at all, either on TV shows or oftentimes in their actual marriages? What ever gave us the idea that we are perfect and that the men we're in relationships with are the ones with all the problems? It really does look pretty horrible when you realize that neither person in a relationship is without flaws — and there are probably things you're doing that are just as annoying as what he's doing.

I have no husband. I don't even have a date most of the time. But I do know that when I find Mr. Right, I want to treat him like Mr. Right — and I hope that he'll forgive the little quirks about me that might make me Mrs. Wrong at times. That's all we can really hope for, isn't it?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Aretha Franklin sang about it, Rodney Dangerfield never got any, and we all want it — respect. And lately I feel like there's not much of it to be found.

I'll be honest here — I'm an easy target. Apart from being a klutz and particularly neurotic, I have the tendency to shoot my mouth off and then instantly having to shove my dirty Converse in my mouth. And I realize that some people find this funny, especially when my face turns the color of a roma tomato. Most of the time I do, too.

But it's not funny when I completely humiliate someone or cut them down to size. It's not funny when I've talked about someone or given them a nickname and everyone else starts calling them that, too. And it's really not funny when I see that what I say is powerful — powerful enough to shake a person's confidence or really cut at them.

So here's what I'm advocating: have respect for yourself and for other people. Be straight up and sincere, especially if you're in a relationship with somebody.

Guys, if you talk about a girl like she's a piece of meat, then, as Handsome Rob told the "Napster" in The Italian Job, "It's such a mystery why you don't have a girlfriend." And girls, if you think this is his way of showing his love for you, then Frank Sinatra was dead on when he sang that he "must have been kissing a fool."

And you're fooling yourself if you think that respect applies just to romantic relationships. I've never felt worse than when someone discriminated against me because of my race or prejudged me because of the way I look — and I'm not an ethnic minority.

Aretha Franklin said it best when she said, "I ain't gonna do you wrong." How many times have I been in the wrong when I think I'm being funny or just saying what everybody else is supposedly thinking?

How many times have I blown someone off because I feel like they're not worth my time or that they're so annoying that I can't stand to be around them? Am I really that prideful? I would hope that I'm not.

So I guess what I'm saying, to beat the Aretha horse dead, is that I need to find out what respect means to me. And I hope I can figure it out soon.