Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Ever since we started telling people that I am expecting twins, we've had nothing but questions -- questions about how I'm feeling, whether I'm eating right, whether we've picked out names, whether we're buying a bigger car and whether we've read all the pregnancy books out there.
I expected the questions, and like every other milestone in my life, I welcome them. I know that people ask questions because they care and want to help. However, there's one question that I never know quite how to answer: Are you going back to work after they're born?
I actually do have a simple answer to this question -- yes -- and I tell everyone who asks that I plan to continue working. But then I feel like I have to justify my answer by telling them that Andrew is still in school, that I have excellent benefits with my current job that we can't afford to lose, that we need the extra income to be able to provide adequately for our babies.
I am tired of feeling like I have to explain my choice to go back to work, and I'm sure there are other women who feel the same way.
To be clear, I always wanted to be home with my kids and be there for them. My mom stayed home with us until my youngest brother was in kindergarten, and I have always admired her for that sacrifice. I knew that if I called her from school because I forgot my lunch, she would be there. I knew that if I got sick, she would come get me and make me chicken noodle soup and jello. I knew that when I rode the bus home from school, she would be there to ask about my day.
I want my kids to have the same loving, dependable mom -- but I also want my company to have the same hard-working, dependable Lindsay.
It hasn't always been this way. Not that long ago, I came home in tears every night from a job that was completely wrong for me. I am embarrassed to say that I welcomed the thought of having children simply because it meant I would have an excuse to leave that job (and the workforce) until they were grown.
Nearly three years later, I am happier than I've ever been. I wake up every morning with a sense of purpose. I know people count on me to write, to edit, to publish content -- and they are reading the things that I write. I absolutely love my job, I love the people I work with, and I love feeling like I've finally found a place where I belong. I know my job matters and makes a difference, and it's an incredible blessing.
I've never been quick to form friendships, and it's caused quite a bit of heartache as the people I thought were friends moved in and out of my life. At my company, I have more than 50 close friends I know I can trust and confide in, and I've built lasting relationships that I don't want to lose.
Am I aware that things will change when I welcome two tiny babies into the world in a few months? Of course! But I am willing to balance things in my life, as is Andrew, and I'm willing to work equally hard at raising children and becoming even better at my job.
Life is about to get really hard, but I know that I'm making the right choice for myself and my family, regardless of what others expect me to do.
I'm about to become a working mom by choice. I'm ready for the challenge.